Wednesday, 22 February 2017

Waiting

Waiting is hard. I've never been patient and I have never enjoyed waiting for things to happen, especially when I was really excited about something. But I have never experienced a wait like this, one that can end at any moment or go on forever. We have been waiting for a baby for almost seven years and I am so tired of waiting. The unknowns of when and if and how are really hard to bear.

When we first started trying to get pregnant, I was optimistic and excited and didn't mind waiting so much. Because I thought we would only have to wait 9 months before welcoming a baby into our lives. But that wasn't the case, that wait turned into many years. As the months turned to years, my optimism faded and I really didn't actually believe that we would get pregnant and bring a baby home. My faith in my body was failing and I stopped saying "when we have a baby" and changed it to "if we ever have a baby". It wasn't until we began down the road of adoption that I started believing this would actually happen for us. I still didn't know when or how but I really did believe that it would happen. And I still believe that. I really do.

The problem is, I don't know when or how. Indefinite waiting is so hard. We could be getting a call/email today with a potential situation that leads to our child or we might still need to wait for months or years. I'm not going to lie, this is really hard. Really really hard.

Dan and I have started talking about summer plans and I can't help but think "what if we have a baby then"? It's hard to make plans when you don't know what life will be like at that time. Here's the thing of it though, life can always change at any minute of any day. Whenever you make plans in advance, things could be totally different by the time those plans come about. None of us knows what our lives will look like in 6 months time. I'm trying to remember that. I'm trying really hard to just go on with life as I normally would and not factor children into things. To make plans and organize trips or events or house renovations without thinking "what if we have a baby then". If we are blessed to have a baby by the time those plans comes to fruition, we'll deal with it.

In the meantime though, in this hard waiting period, I will hold on to hope that one day we will have a child to call our own and our dreams will be fulfilled. I will just keep waiting, sometimes not so patiently.

Thursday, 19 January 2017

The Home Study

This post is way overdue but I figured I should finally write and share about our home study process. This is a necessary step for anyone planning to adopt and in Ontario, it is usually done over a couple of months with 4-6 interviews/meetings. We are planning on adopting privately and so we hired an adoption practitioner to do our home study.

We started our home study back in May 2016 and we were so nervous. It feels like a huge invasion of privacy and there is so much pressure to look good. Or at least that's what I thought. Really, they are just looking for a happy normal couple in a happy normal house, they aren't out to fail you. It's still an intimidating process but if you go into it with a good attitude and answer the questions honestly, that's the best you can do.

Here is a sampling of what was involved in our home study:
  • A home visit, where they check the safety of your house and property
  • Interviews as a couple where you talk about your childhood, your marriage, your current lifestyle, etc. They ask tons of questions here, a lot of them very personal. 
  • Interviews individually, where they once again ask about your childhood and yourself as a person
  • Medical evaluation by your doctor
  • Police checks and fingerprinting
  • Financial information
  • Five references, two from family and three from friends
  • Child Welfare Agency record checks
  • Lots of forms and questionnaires 
We were lucky to complete our home study relatively quickly and everything was done and signed off on by the middle of September. We weren't delayed by any forms and the interviews were done every few weeks.

The home study process is different for everyone, depending on who your practitioner is and whether you are doing it privately or publicly. We were fortunate that ours went smoothly and there weren't any major hiccups, which was a nice start to our adoption journey. It felt long while we were in it but looking back, it actually went pretty fast considering.

For anyone who is just starting down this road, my recommendation would be to find an adoption practitioner that you like and trust and to just be open and honest when answering questions. Ask for clarification on things if you don't understand and don't be afraid of learning as much as you can. You are paying for a service (if you're doing it privately) and you deserve to get the most out of it as you can.

The home study being completed means one more step closer to our baby. Every step of this journey will be worth it one day.