Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Ups and Down and Everything In Between

We haven't written any updates in well over a year, so we figured it was high time we did. If you follow The Canadian Baby over on Facebook, you'll have seen a few little video updates sharing that not much has really changed. However, if you did watch our update video from a few weeks ago, you'll know that we do have some things to share.

We're not really sure where to start with it all, so we'll just jump right in. Since becoming an active waiting family last winter, we have received a few situations to consider, but only really a handful. After a lot of talking and agonizing over each one, we only ended up saying yes to two of the situations. Now that doesn't mean we actually said yes to a baby. Here is how this one agency works, they send a "situation" via email where you get some details about the birth mother, birth father, and baby. Usually it contains age of birth parents, medical/psychological history, drug/alcohol use, etc. If it is a situation that we feel comfortable with, we can say yes and that then means that our profile book is presented to the birth mom. She would then have to choose us as a family for her child, in order for anything to move forward. So far, we have not been chosen. So over last summer and fall, we would get our hopes up a few times, only to have them crash when we weren't chosen. It's a rough roller coaster to ride, that's for sure.

Last Thanksgiving weekend, we were presented with a situation that got us talking a lot more about the different risks we would accept. We ended up saying no to that specific situation, but realized that our home study needed some changes made to it in order to reflect what we had discussed. I won't get into details, but this all triggered us getting very frustrated with the whole adoption process in general and we were feeling very discouraged. We decided we needed to take a step back and reevaluate what our next steps would be, since updating a home study is not a quick or cheap step.

In November 2017, we decided to register for embryo adoption through one of our agencies that we were already signed up with for private adoption. Embryo adoption is essentially the adoption of an embryo (or embryos) from another couple and transferring it to a recipient couple. For more information and to read some FAQs, check out this helpful link that Beginnings Family Services has put together. We had actually been discussing the possibility of embryo adoption for a little over a year at this point and decided that we wanted to put our focus on it now. We were feeling hopeful that it would be a good option for us, allowing us to experience being pregnant as well as the joy of open adoption.

In December, we got the call that we had been chosen by a donor family and they were going to be giving us two beautiful embryos. To say we were overjoyed is an understatement. We felt so honoured that a couple had chosen us and we felt like things were finally going in the right direction. 2018 was going to be our year to have a baby, we just felt it.

The next few months involved lots of paperwork, emails, meetings, medical tests, and hope. This was finally happening. We had to switch fertility clinics since not all clinics allow embryo adoption, so our first appointment with our new doctor and clinic was scheduled for the end of March. We had all the steps lined up so that as soon as we got the go ahead from our doctor, we would get the legal part going and were hoping for a summer transfer. Both us and the donor family were excited and hopeful going into this appointment. However, the appointment didn't go as we had planned and we left there feeling like all our dreams had been crushed. The doctor was amazing and understanding and smart and we 100% trusted him. In fact, we wish that we had gone to him four years ago when we started down the road of fertility treatments, as we think he would have been a good fit and would have performed tests that potentially would have given us more answers. To sum up, he did not feel that embryo adoption would be a good fit for us, seeing as I had a history of unexplained losses. With four miscarriages and no reason as to why, he felt like there might be more underlying issues than just an embryo problem and wouldn't feel confident doing an embryo adoption without further testing, including genetic testing of the embryos.

So we went home and we cried and we talked and we hid out in our house for a few weeks. We just felt so defeated. Truly defeated.

But hope is a funny thing. It has a way of sneaking back in when you least expect it. So we talked and talked and came to the conclusion that we wanted to continue with domestic adoption. We decided to switch adoption practitioners to one we were more comfortable with and to update our home study. A home study is good for two years, so with this new home study completed, we are going to give it another shot. If nothing has happened in two years and we are faced with updating it again, we might call it quits then. Or maybe we won't. For now though, we're focusing on our everyday lives and trying to live as normally as we can. While also hoping for that phone call or email that will change our lives forever.

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